Following his two game-losing blunders Sunday, Bears running back Marion Barber was mercilessly crucified by local and national media. Countless fans also joined in the hysteria now that the chances of watching the Bears get annihilated in the playoffs appear to be slim.

In a related development, Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow announced he was forsaking Jesus and would accept the crucified Barber as his new Lord and Savior.

“He saved my ass, that’s for sure” said Tebow. “You saw it, didn’t you? Right before everyone’s eyes, Marion Barber performed two incredible miracles. That’s all the proof I need that he’s the second string. I mean the second coming.”

Rather than kneeling in supplication, an act formerly known as “Tebowing,” the Broncos unlikely leader said he will throw himself out of bounds every time he want to show his devotion to Lord Barber.