Just hours after news of his failed steroid test broke, reigning National League MVP Ryan Braun released a statement blaming the ink from his awful line of T-shirts.

“Unfortunately, the ink in my Remetee shirts has proved to be laced with HGH and other performance-enhancing drugs,” said Braun. “We were only going for fashion-enhancing chemicals, but I guess the science guys mixed up the formula or whatever … then it seeped into my skin … and, uh … I gotta go!”

Heckler George