Greg Maddux announced Tuesday he was leaving the Cubs organization after serving as a special assistant to former GM Jim Hendry the past two years. Maddux will now work with this brother and Frank Zappa lookalike Mike who’s the Rangers pitching coach.

“My brother told me I would no longer get to keep the nickname ‘The Professor’ if I was dumb enough to work for the Cubs for another year,” Maddux said as he dumped paper clips into his travel bag. “That’s why I’ve got to get out of here.”

Maddux said that he’d finally hit his ceiling serving as a mentor for the Cubs.

“Trying to help improve Cubs pitching is like flying straight toward the sun,” said Maddux. “Soon enough you’re going to have a meltdown.”

When asked if it was all bad in Chicago, Maddux stopped packing for a moment and grew very quiet. He turned his head away as if he was trying to hide a tear.

“I’m going to miss the shit out of Hot Doug’s.”