After Devin Hester returned his 18th career touchdown Sunday afternoon against the Detroit Lions in a 37-13 victory, many fans were left asking the exact same question: Why does anybody kick it to Devin Hester?
However, in his post-game press conference, Hester revealed to reporters exactly why NFL coaches and kickers decide to send the ball his way. “I’m using the Jedi mind trick,” said Hester after disengaging his light saber to field questions.
Astonished, the gaggle of reporters inquired further.
“Yeah, during the lockout, it became apparent that nobody was going to kick to me anymore. So I decided that instead of OTAs I was going to travel to Degobah to learn a higher set of skills,” said Hester, wrapping himself in his brown robe.
A disbelieving, yet supportive, Matt Forte walked by and offered commentary from aside.
“Hokey religions and ancient tricks are no match for a good blocker in front of you,” scoffed Forte. Hester had no criticism for his friend, other than to say he found his lack of faith disturbing.
When asked what magic incantation was used by Hester, he simply replied, “I just stare at the coach and the kicker and say ‘This isn’t the return man you’re avoiding’ and waive my hand. Works every time.”
Lions coach Jim Schwartz was questioned about the latest incident. He had no recollection of the event.
“That happened?” inquired Schwartz. “Last thing I remember was telling Nick Fairley to rip someone’s head off, and next thing I know, Hester’s in the end zone again. How?”
The trick is known to work only on the weak minded—thus explaining why Hester has never had success against New England and Sith Lord, Bill Belichick.