Tiki Barber learned a valuable lesson this week: don’t mess with the Giants. With Ahmad Bradshaw injured, and Brandon Jacobs failing to capture his old form, the Giants held an unofficial workout for their all-time leading rusher on Tuesday.
Barber, who has been hinting at a possible return to the NFL since his retirement in 2006, did admit that he was taken aback by the call after famously ripping the team after their improbable Super Bowl run.
“I’m glad they finally dropped the unfair grudge they had against me,” said Barber. “Everything I said was true. I think they finally realized that, and knew I could help the team.”
Barber was told to show up at a local high school in the outskirts of Pennsylvania, where he ran drills and caught passes from a 15-year-old quarterback. That’s when things started to get fishy.
The workout lasted about 60 minutes, and while Barber still ran well, not many people were on hand to see it.
He was put through a rigorous series of tests that had little to do with actual football abilities. A lone coach made him run along the sidelines after spinning around with his head on a wiffle ball bat for ten revolutions. He was forced to chase a flock of chickens and return them to their coop. They then brought a mixed martial artist to punch him repeatedly in the stomach, a drill they deemed necessary for “core stability.”
The media coverage consisted of one news truck, a reporter from the high school paper, and about nine kids with iPhones. After Barber was made to run across the entire field 20 times backwards, a large banner was dropped from one of the uprights, reading – “BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME, BIG MOUTH.” The banner was signed by coach Tom Coughlin and QB Eli Manning.
“The fact that they made me catch Nerf footballs should have been a dead giveaway,” the embarrassed Barber added. “I didn’t want to play for those overachievers anyway!”
Barber wiped a tear from his eye, and took comfort in the arms of a woman who didn’t appear to be his wife or mistress. There is no word on whether or not the Giants have called to apologize.