Following the lead of the Occupy Wall Street movement, Cubs fans have banded together to form Occupy Wrigleyville, a group dedicated to lowering ticket prices, hiring Theo Epstein, signing Albert Pujols and “just more partying in general.”
“We’ve had enough of this franchise treating us like we’re one big piggy bank,” said Occupy Wrigleyville member and Lakeview native Holly Benson. “So we’re taking it to the streets! We’ll be drinking at Casey Moran’s, Murphy’s Bleachers and Sluggers around the clock until the Cubs satisfy our demands. Just try dragging us away from these Wrigleyville bars!”
Although the group has yet to find a leader, there is surprising solidarity among the participants. For example, when one person suggests something they want the Cubs to do, everyone else in earshot raises their beer and drunkenly agrees – especially if the idea comes from an attractive female.
“It’s like, yeah!” said Cubs fan Bob Turnow. “Soriano must go! Take off your shirt! Two dollar beer!”
The group’s demands cover a wide range of issues, such as unrealistic player signings, adding a dome to Wrigley Field, letting fans play third base, hiring Ryne Sandberg as the next manager and serving beer through the ninth inning.
Supporters are encouraged to Tweet their own suggestions, along with the tag #occupywrigleyville