Moments after being eliminated from the playoffs, Red Sox players blamed their epic collapse on Patriots quarterback Tom Brady’s recent haircut, which drew headlines around the country Wednesday.

“Those locks were our strength and inspiration,” said Red Sox closer Jonathan Papelbon, who blew the save that could have sent Boston into the post-season. “Damn that haircut! Couldn’t he have waited another few days? Where was Giselle when we needed her?”

When asked why the team began collapsing weeks before the infamous haircut, manager Terry Francona exploded.

“That doesn’t matter! We all knew it was coming!” he yelled. “This one’s on Tom. I’m sorry, but someone has to be accountable for this implosion, and it sure as hell won’t be me.”

Heckler George