Paul Konerko reached a milestone Tuesday night when he notched the 2,000th hit of his career. The celebration didn’t last too long, though, as he recorded his negative-12th stolen base for his career as well. Along with Mark Grace, Konerko remains one of two players in MLB history to have a negative number for stolen bases.

“It felt great to get to 2,000 hits, but that negative sure is a bummer, isn’t it,” said an exhausted Konerko after the game, still trying to catch his breath after an attempted steal in the sixth inning. “But hey, at least I’m not Adam Dunn. That would really be embarrassing.”

MLB statisticians are baffled at how he’s managed to achieve a negative number for stolen bases, but after seeing him run, many are convinced that it’s no error.

“I’ve worked many White Sox games and seen Konerko attempt to run numerous times,” said Ted Helmsley, a veteran statistician for MLB. “If there’s anyone who could end up with negative stolen bases for a career, it would be Paul Konerko. It’s like he’s trying to run in quick sand out there.”

Still, the negative number didn’t deter Hawk Harrelson from lavishing praise upon Konerko for his base running abilities. True to form, Harrelson went on to blame the umpires during Tuesday night’s telecast.

“What a disgrace these umpires have been towards our Pauly over the years,” said Harrelson of Konerko’s milestone, before going on to pout for the rest of the game. “I would take Pauly over Lou Brock, Ricky Henderson, or any of the other greats in a heartbeat. Mercy!”

Michael Kloempken