Signing a guy like Milton Bradley to a multi-year contract would get many general managers canned quicker than Spam. And seeing the team you put together languish well below .500 for two consecutive seasons would most likely seal your fate. But Cubs GM Jim Hendry’s job security appears to be safer than Fort Knox thanks to the solid rapport he has developed with the Ricketts family.

“I have been fortunate to build a trusting relationship with the Ricketts over the past two years, despite my signings of Carlos Silva and John Grabow,” said Hendry. “Only as a last resort, like when I ink a guy like Rodrigo Lopez, do I have to pull out the photos of Tom robbing that Chase Bank over in Uptown to keep my job.”

The Ricketts are prepared to give Hendry an extension following the season to keep him quiet, even if the team loses 90+ games.

“Something about photos of Todd in a g-string on stage hanging upside-down from a pole at the Admiral Theatre,” said Laura Ricketts. “We should have never let him do that Undercover Boss show. He still thinks he’s incognito.”

By Jeremy Barewin. Photoshop by Kurt Evans

Jeremy Barewin