A few minutes after pretending to be extremely happy about the Cubs jersey you gave him for Father’s Day, your dad wondered aloud if you had the receipt “just in case it doesn’t fit, that’s all.”

“Oh, don’t get me wrong,” he said. “I’d wear this around town with pride, unless it’s too tight. Then I’d be forced to return it to … where did you get it? Sports Authority? They also have Bears stuff, right?”

A lifelong Cubs fan, your dad has grown disenchanted with the team of late, often choosing to watch golf or 80s movies on Netflix instead of Cubs games. While previous Cubs presents have gone over well, there was a marked difference this year.

“It’s not like I’m overly sensitive or anything,” said your dad. “But the idea of my kids just phoning it in with another Cubs jersey – in the middle of the worst season I can remember – kinda makes me wonder if they care at all. Or maybe they’re just dumb.”

Heckler George