The big rumor floating around the Chicago sports world is that the Cubs will try to land prized free agent first baseman Albert Pujols during the offseason. A picture of Jim Hendry and Pujols hugging before a recent game has only fueled the speculation. Both Hendry and Pujols swore it had nothing to do with a possible signing next year, and now they’ve completely squashed the rumor after it was revealed the two of them have become best friends with each other, secretly hanging out to avoid any scrutiny.

“We found each other through,” said Hendry, whose profile was a perfect fit with Pujols according to the popular connections website that specializes in finding friends for people with common interests. “We both included in our likes baseball and long term contracts — him wanting to sign one, and me liking to sign people to them. It’s a perfect match and we’ve been best friends ever since.”

Nobody knows more about that than Alfonso Soriano, who was the recipient of Hendry’s contractual generosity when he signed with the Cubs for nine years. But Hendry is adamant that this is only about their relationship as best buds.

“We’ve been doing a lot together, like going to movies, bowling, and hanging out in strip clubs,” said Hendry, when asked about their relationship. “And the only reason we hugged is because we didn’t want people to steal our secret handshake.”

It appears to be a match made in heaven. The two of them have been spending so much time together that their wives are beginning to feel frustrated. Pujols, who feels male bonding is an important part of life, isn’t concerned.

“I haven’t had a real friend on my team since Jim Edmonds left,” he said, sporting his new friendship bracelet that Hendry gave to him during the Cubs series versus the Cardinals this week. “I think everyone should just relax and let us be pals. And as for me signing with the Cubs, do you really think I want to play for those losers? If anything, maybe I’ll hire Jim to come to the Cardinals.”

By Michael Kloempken

Michael Kloempken