Patrick Kane: Ponder keeping mullet. Get mullet caught in something. Cut mullet.
Ben Smith: *See Patrick Kane summer 2010.
Duncan Keith and Brent Seabrook: Couples therapy.
Brian Campbell and Niklas Hjalmarsson: Get tattoos in order to look more badass.
Patrick Sharp: Somehow skate his way into slot during game six of Eastern Conference finals. Pose. Score.
Tomas Kopecky: Whatever Hossa’s doing.
Marian Hossa: Try to ditch Kopecky.
Troy Brouwer: Find “self.”
Corey Crawford: Make absolutely sure to not hire Antti Niemi’s agent.
Dave Bolland: Appear in Sedin twins recurring dreams.
Jonathan Toews: Exhale and melt into puddle.
By Dan Bradley
