Evanston native Don Jeffreys is looking forward to his trip to Vancouver this week for two reasons. The first is that he’ll get to see his beloved Hawks, who just squeaked into the playoffs, take on the Canucks in a first-round game.

The second? He believes he’ll have the opportunity to smoke copious amounts of dope with no legal ramifications whatsoever.

“I’m going to be puffin’ on Hindu Kush, Maui Wowee, Panama Red and of course all the BC varieties, and it’ll all be totally legal,” Jeffreys said. “I’ll be able to smoke that stuff in the streets, and the cops won’t be able to say anything. Hell, I’ll be able to blow smoke right in their faces. They don’t call it the ‘Amsterdam of North America for nothing.”

Canadian authorities beg to differ, however.

“Oh no, marijuana’s quite illegal throughout the country,” said Dudley Deverson of the Royal Canadian Mounties when asked about pot laws north of the border. “Vancouver’s a little more lax than most places, it’s true, but we do take enforcement seriously. Not as seriously as we take hockey, though. The Sedin twins, Kesler and Bieksa are gonna mop the floor with those hoser Hawks. Go Canucks, eh!”

By Brian Summerfield

Brian Summerfield