Despite depletion of resources throughout the globe, Prince Fielder, one of the largest mammals in the Western Hemisphere, appears to be getting larger, baffling scientists.
“Pollution and the depletion of marine resources have meant smaller Blue Whales, and Asian Elephants have been slowly getting smaller really ever since man existed,” said Dr. Jason Roberts, a biology professor at NYU. “Yet remarkably, Prince Fielder’s girth has been steadily increasing ever since his arrival to Wisconsin.”
While Roberts doesn’t believe the public needs to panic, this unprecedented phenomenon warrants some caution. “Prince needs to eat at all costs. While I am reluctant to say he will eat us all, smaller creates like Craig Counsell should avoid him around feeding time.”
By Tim Butterly. Photoshop by Pat Lamorte