The Dunnosaur, thought to be extinct, has been seen swinging and missing, grabbing some bench and generally wreaking havoc in the Arizona desert. The discovery surprised paleontologists until they noticed that the Dunnosaur was wearing a White Sox uniform.
“The Dunnosaur was a dominant terrestrial vertebrate for ten years, from the late Steroid period through last season,” paleontologist Sam Agnew said. “It averaged 40 home runs per 162 games and roamed the areas known today as Cincinnati, Phoenix and Washington. Fossil records indicate it had thoroughly devolved due to poor fielding ability, its propensity to strike out and playing on some pretty bad ball clubs.”
“The Dunnosaur Hitter is our DH,” Sox broadcaster Ken Harrelson said. “The way it was explained to me is that it survived the Cretaceous-Tertiary extinction event. I was told that this is very rare, but also that it’s not the first time in history it has occurred. The White Sox have recently included Dunnosaur species Andruw Jones, Ken Griffey Jr., Omar Vizquel and Juan Pierre.”
Agnew said that although there are over 9,000 species of Dunnosaurs, the one discovered this month at Camelback Ranch in Glendale seems to be the prototype, since it bears a blank look on its face that seems to always say, “I dunno.”
“Some Dunnosaurs are or were herbivorous, others carnivorous, but all of them eat or ate White Sox payroll and laid an egg,” Agnew said.
By Rob C. Christiansen. Photoshop by Pat Lamorte