Once the baby face of the organization, veteran Kerry Wood now returns to the Cubs in the golden years of his career. While he still may possess the goods to be successful, signs point to age finally catching up with the seasoned hurler – and his memory.

“Kerry is a little confused these days,” admitted new Cubs skipper Mike Quade. “I’m certain he thinks I’m the janitor and keeps asking if anyone has seen Riggs [Jim Riggleman]. He really thinks he was pulled from the rotation and I don’t have the heart to tell him otherwise. I just keep this mop close by as he walks my way.”

Teammates have also witnessed this alarming trend and wonder if Wood stepped into some sort of ‘hot tub time machine’ that magically transported him back to the early years of his Cubs career.

“Someone caught him smashing my iPod after I played some salsa music in the locker room,” Cubs infielder Starlin Castro disclosed. “He was shouting obscenities and something about ‘Sammy’s damn boom box.’ I had no idea what he meant. Who’s Sammy and what the heck is a boom box?”

By Brian Berns

Heckler Brian