When the Blackhawks gathered the energy to overcome the Minnesota Wild and the Bulls blew past the Washington Wizards on Monday, it became apparent what was happening: the leaders of two Chicago teams have been summoning the elusive “force” to will their way to victory.
Derrick Rose and Jonathan Toews have now confirmed they’ve been in a secret race to attain Jedi powers, and are progressing too fast to continue to hide it. Toews has amassed a remarkable 25 points in 16 games, while Rose seems unable to provide a single offensive possession unworthy of replaying on highlight reels across the country.
Rose revealed that he has already gained the ability to levitate, while Toews can now slow time itself and travel through space toward the opposing net. They have both sworn against joining the dark side, saying that they will continue to use the force to help their respective athletic teams. However, the search is on for Jedi masters to oversee their training.
“It’s not about competition with each other or anything,” said Rose. “It’s about trying to win championships.”
“It’s also about the competition,” added Toews, brandishing his ring.
Their common goal is to take on entire teams by themselves using only their minds. It has not been confirmed exactly how these games would be broadcast on television.
By Dan Bradley