On the heels of a rough few weeks for Patrick Kane, another Blackhawk has found himself in hot water after photos surfaced of his raucous extracurricular activities. Captain Jonathan Toews, previously thought to be incorruptible, was spotted playing BINGO at 8 p.m. the night before Sunday’s home game against the Phoenix Coyotes.
“Toews? Are you sure?” asked coach Joel Quenneville. “He should know better as the captain of this team. I’m very disappointed.”
Photos of the Hawks captain appearing at a north side community center BINGO game have begun to circulate amongst the Chicago elderly population. Or more specifically, amongst the Chicago elderly population whose grandchildren have taught them how to use the camera and mobile Facebook application on their mobile phones.
“Having my grandmother constantly posting on my Facebook page is embarrassing,” said Chicago resident Ashley Flynn. “But now she has a bit more cred with my friends. Her new profile picture shows her exchanging a fist pound with Toews after a BINGO win. Now they all agree that my skirts make me look like a flapper.”
“He was out of control,” said BINGO enthusiast Eunice Boyle. “I’ve never seen someone drink so much orange juice. How does his stomach handle all that acid? And he kept buying rounds of pudding cups for the crowd. Doesn’t he know all that sugar will keep him up until at least 10:30 tonight?”
After the game ended at 9 p.m., Toews apparently tried to get the group to head to the TV room to watch some DVDs of “NCIS: Los Angeles” that he brought with him.
“That guy is nuts,” said Andrew Dalton, 78. “I’m never one to turn down any fun, but enough is enough. Some of us have exercise class at 6 a.m..”
Toews declined to comment on the photos, saying “what I do on my own time is my business and doesn’t impact my abilities on the ice one bit. If that’s okay with you. Because if not, I can change my habits to be more acceptable.”
Upon seeing the photos, Quenneville changed his tune.
“Thank god, I thought you were going to tell me that Kane drank him under the table in some River North bar,” he said. “It’s about time he got out and had some fun. I’m getting sick of Toews calling me up at 5 every Friday night asking if I’d like to play him in Scrabble.”
By Giles Tellum. Photoshop by Pat Lamorte.