All Cubs fans know their favorite team is run by Tom Ricketts and his siblings Laura and Todd, but few remember the forgotten brother Pete who surfaced this morning at Wrigley Field where he was seen waiting in line for 2011 single game tickets which went on sale today.
“I was sleepin’ on the Red Line like any other weekday when I woke up from my drunken stupor and realized the train was comin’ up on Addison right by Wrigley Field,” said Pete. “I was kind of hungry so I thought ‘Aw hell, let’s go see if Tommy wants to buy me one of them McDonald’s breakfast sandwiches I love so much.'”
Pete stumbled two blocks to Wrigley’s administrative offices where he was met by a few geriatric security personnel who refused to let him in.
“I guess they’re still pissed about the game I ate too much cotton candy and threw up on the governor’s shoes,” said Pete. “But shit, that was like four months ago. Don’t these guys ever forget anything?”
Instead, Pete went outside and got in what he assumed was a soup line. It turned out to be a queue of ticket buyers.
“Here I think I’m about to finally get a square meal and I wind up with half a dozen Cubs-Nationals tickets and a $500 credit card bill,” said Pete. “Luckily it was Tommy’s American Express so that sucker’s gotta pay for ’em.”
Image and idea by Pat Lamorte