Preparation for the 2011 season is officially underway as both of Chicago’s baseball teams have reported to Spring Training in Arizona. And both teams have more than a few question marks and concerns heading into the season.
1 – Most players not fast enough to score from first on a home run.
2 – Jake Peavy already scheduled for 35 rehab starts, breaking Mark Prior’s single season record.
3 – Bullpen issues: Jenks gone, Wood rejected offer to pitch for the Cubs and the unfortunate health of everyone else.
4 – Despite President Obama’s attempt to relocate them to the N.L. East, Senate veto keeps Twins in division.
5 – Manager’s Twitter account, language and progeny.
6 – Somehow, Juan Pierre’s waistline rises all the way up to his neck.
7 – How will Carlos Quentin work himself into a body cast for three months of the season?
1 – Fans unable to enter Wrigley Field after 1,000th statue added outside stadium.
2 – U.S. immigration decides to deport all people named Carlos.
3 – “Right field sucks, left field sucks.” And it’s not the fans, it’s the players. Little Marlon Byrd cries himself to sleep every night.
4 – Mike Quade cracks under pressure, starts wearing all Santo’s old toupees.
5 – Now that they’re all grown up, the Cubs are not that cute anymore, and fans try to flush them down toilet.
6 – Best hitter, Marlon Byrd, would probably bat 8th on any A.L. team. Cubs 8th place hitter will be loser claimed off waivers two days before season starts.
7 – Health of fans behind home plate if Carlos Marmol starts throwing the new rocket knuckle ball he claims to have learned on a trip to Tibet.