When Cubs fans saw Ryan Dempster at the convention this year, they were probably more inclined to assume the character in question was an escaped guard from the local Canadian consulate looking feverishly for maple syrup, rather than a starting pitcher in the team’s rotation.

That’s because Dempster has finally won an exhaustive battle with organizers to open the event with him singing the national anthem of his native country, dressed in a full Canadian Mountie uniform. Dempster’s catcher Geovany Soto weighed in on the issue.

“This is the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen,” he said. “I’ve got nothing against Canada, but this doesn’t make any sense.”

Other Cubs players like fellow pitcher Kerry Wood expressed fear for the event.

“We’ve got bigger problems than Dempster looking like an idiot,” commented Wood. “His voice is so awful it will do damage to animals and small children. Demp’s voice is more annoying than Ronnie Woo-Woo.”

The Cubs have announced they will provide earplugs to all Canada-haters in attendance, for the low price of $9.95 a pair.

By Andy Landgrebe | Photoshop by Kurt Evans

Andy Landgrebe