Bears head coach Lovie Smith will reportedly go sans shoes on Sunday afternoon in hopes of distracting New York Jets head coach Rex Ryan, an admitted foot-fetishist.
“I’ve been buffing my puppies all weekend to get them ready,” said Smith. “Hopefully they’re pretty enough to throw Rex off his game. I know they’re soft…so maybe I’ll ask him to touch them before kickoff.”
Ever since news broke of his preoccupation with feet, Ryan has insisted his off-field obsession will not affect his sideline decisions.
But if Lovie forces the issue by exposing his “chocolate wonders?”
“Wait, what size are we talking about?” asked Ryan, absentmindedly rubbing his own big toe. “Would you call Lovie’s feet…petite?”
To draw even more attention to his naked moneymakers, Lovie plans to create a cardboard SUV door to carry with him on the sideline, through which he will then dangle his legs during critical plays in the game.