While his play since joining the White Sox hasn’t been stellar, Manny Ramirez found a way to make a scene in Chicago. The slugger’s dreadlocks caught fire this morning during contract negotiations at U.S. Cellular Field while negotiating the remaining $200 billion left in his 150-year contract he signed with the Dodgers in 2009.

Firefighters were called to the scene to extinguish flames in the clubhouse sparked by Ozzie Guillen’s repeated profanity which caused flames to erupted from the skipper’s mouth. Ramirez’s dreds lost their battle in the blaze. Reports indicate that Ramirez feverishly stopped, dropped and rolled in an attempt to save his signature locks.

“I can’t believe that [expletive deleted] hit the floor like a ton of [expletive deleted] bricks just because he hair caught on fire,” Guillen said of Ramirez, who’s batting only .211 in the last week, a critical stretch that’s seen the Sox win only three games. “Maybe if he would cut his [expletive deleted] hair he could get [expletived] done.”

Ramirez recalled the moments before the blaze, but said he still refused to sign with the Sox.

“My dream has been to retire as a Chicago Cub. Why would I sign with a decent team?” a dazed Ramirez said. “I want to go down in flames. What better way is there by being part of the worst organization in baseball?”

White Sox GM Kenny Williams tried to make sense of the situation

“Manny is clearly shaken,” said Williams. “We have no intentions of telling him what actually happened. I still have faith that we’ll catch the Twins and go onto win the World Series. When that happens, we’ll deal Manny away along with the most of the team like we did in 2005.”

Services for Manny’s dreadlocks will be held this week in private. In lieu of flowers, Manny is asking for donations of rope to replace his beloved dreds for the remainder of the season.

By Morgann Spicer

Morgann Spicer