NBA superstar and prized free agent LeBron James announced Tuesday that he’ll be hosting a nationally televised one-hour press conference Thursday night in which he plans to announce he will not be signing with the Minnesota Timberwolves.
“After long, thoughtful consideration, I am sad to say I will not become a member of the T’Wolves,” said James when announcing the press conference, the first he will hold regarding each of the 29 teams with which he will not be signing a contract. “Minneapolis seems like a great place and all, but the winters are too damn cold. Plus they’re all crazy about Prince up there and, let’s be honest, he’s kind of weird.”
Timberwolves GM David Kahn was disappointed to learn of James’ press conference.
“We knew we were a longshot, but to get knocked out first is a blow,” said Kahn. “I would like to think we would have lasted until the middle of the pack, you know, when teams like New Jersey and the Clippers will get bounced.”