‘Just keep him moving back and forth,’ Quenneville tells controller

Unsure of the Antti Niemi and Cristobal Huet duo at goaltender, the Blackhawks may have struck gold in their search for stability at the position heading into the postseason. A press conference has been scheduled to announce the signing of a crafty old veteran — the Super Chexx Team U.S.A. bubble hockey goaltender.

“Let’s face it, we desperately needed another goalie to have any chance in the playoffs,” said coach Joel Quenneville. “He doesn’t have a name, but we will simply refer to him as ‘Little Red.’ He looks just like a live goaltender, but in molded plastic form.”

Quenneville added the Hawks considered a foreign goalie.

“The other team’s goaltender looked pretty sharp, but he had CCCP on his sweater,” said Quenneville. “No one here knew what that meant, so we decided to go with the American.”

The life-sized replica comes complete with a connected knob and a quick-wristed, behind-the-scenes controller from some nerdy bubble hockey tournament. The Hawks feel they’ve made a necessary upgrade despite their new goalie’s inability to move his arms or legs.

“We’ll be fine, as long as the guy controlling the goalie keeps moving him back and forth,” added Quenneville. “He may be made of plastic, but he’s not nearly as soft as our other options.”

From the March 2010 issue by Brian Berns.  Click here to subscribe today!