Toyota Park, home of the MLS’s Chicago Fire, is being recalled due to a design defect that causes fans to experience rapid, uncontrolled acceleration of beer consumption.
Toyota President Akio Toyoda announced the recall and apologized for not taking action sooner.
“We were aware that some people attending Fire games were drinking a lot of beer, but we just assumed that was because they were White Sox fans who were too drunk to realize they weren’t at U.S. Cellular Field.”
Toyoda stated that the company was committed to solving the problem and that a fix was on its way. “This must be resolved before the Jimmy Buffet shows. The Parrotheads are drunk and stoned anyway, but if the Park is not fixed by then they will be really out of control.”
Other Chicago sports teams are monitoring the situation and are said to be surprised by Toyota’s plans to implement a fix. Both the Bears and the Cubs have expressed interest in acquiring the design technology for Toyota Park, but feel a fix is not necessary.
“What design defect?” asked Cubs Chairman Crane Kenney. “What’s a problem for Toyota Park sure sounds like revenue enhancement to us. If we can sell a couple million extra beers this season, that another $10 million straight to our bottom line.”
By Tom Evans