After a pair of big trades and some lingering injury issues, the Bulls roster is extremely depleted heading into tonight’s game in Minnesota. As a result, head coach Vinny Del Negro announced Derrick Rose will play one-on-five against the Timberwolves.

“While ditching Tyrus Thomas was a godsend, that along with the John Salmons trade leaves us a little light,” said Del Negro. “Plus Noah’s out. Deng has a breather coming. I don’t really care for Hinrich much and these new guys we got all suck. So we’re going just with Derrick.”

Rose maintained his normal low-key approach when he learned the news.

“Um, I just want to help the team,” said Rose. “I match up pretty well against Minnesota’s entire roster, so it should be fun beating them by 15 tonight.”

By Brad Zibung, founder and editor in chief