Reports of three “shaggy-haired boys” who’d escaped a local orphanage recently led cops to a trio of newly-rich Blackhawks attempting to spread some holiday cheer.

“I think it started when one lady tried to put some change in Kaner’s cup,” said defenseman Duncan Keith. “But he was only using itĀ for his schnapps.”

When the trio attempted to get into Hawks captain Jonathan Toews’ 2008 Lexus to return home, police swarmed the car and a brief foot chase ensued. Shortly thereafter, three officers were sent to the hospital with what are being referred to as “snowball-related injuries.”

From the December 2009 issue by Dan Bradley