Ben Gordon was dealt a major blow Wednesday night when the free agent shooting guard was sentenced to a legally binding five-year stint in Detroit.

“I’m not sure what I did to deserve this,” said Gordon, who will be paid $55 million during his time in Detroit, which should help soften the blow. “I shot the ball all the time, occasionally played defense and sulked often. In other words, I was the ideal NBA teammate and now I’m stuck in Detroit for five years.”

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