Ozzie Guillen may have to stop complaining about the dirty, decrepit state of Wrigley Field, since it has given him a new pet. The Sox skipper adopted a rat he found in the dugout there when the South Siders visited the Friendly Confines back in mid-June.

“The little fella just wandered right over and started nibbling on a half-eaten burrito that was sitting next to me,” Guillen said. “So that’s what I named the little bastard: Burrito.”

Since then, Ozzie and Burrito have been inseparable, and the rat even travels in his pocket when he goes out to the mound during games to talk Sox middle relievers out of suicide. However, while Guillen has taken a shine to the rodent, other members of the club are a little disturbed by the whole situation.

“Let’s just set aside the fact that we’re talking about disease-carrying vermin for a moment,” Sox GM Kenny Williams said. “The rat actually seems to be affecting what little sanity Ozzie had to begin with. I know he’s been having long conversations with it, and he even told me that Burrito’s been telling him to burn down Magglio Ordonez’s house. It may be time for the team to invest in some mouse traps.”

By Brian Summerfield