“Problem solved.”

That’s how Cubs skipper Lou Piniella described the outcome of Milton Bradley’s latest turn under the knife. According to Piniella, Bradley found himself the recipient of a mouth zipper that Cubs management hopes will turn things around for him this year.

Bradley — who had a major blowup with Piniella and sounded off to the press Friday — was unable to comment on the surgery. However, in a handwritten note, Bradley claims the zipper is “a product of hostile management that is clearly conspiring to keep me from speaking my mind.”

Making the best of a bad situation, Bradley visited Jewelers Row to have his zipper gold-plated. He had hoped to show off the new accoutrement in his next game, but unfortunately, Bradley strained his zippermouth while aggressively arguing a called third strike while playing Nintendo Wii and is expected to be on the DL for another two weeks.

From theĀ June 2009 issue by Dave Narter