The long-awaited sale of the Cubs is nearing an end as the Ricketts family has been selected as the final bidder by the Tribune Company, which will end the newspaper company’s 27-year championship-free reign that saw the North Side’s losers only get more lovable. Insiders estimate the purchase price is just under $900 million, about $880 million more than the Tribune paid for the team in 1981.

“Sure, we haven’t won any championships under the Tribune’s ownership,” said Cubs Chairman Crane Kenney, a Tribune lawyer who has been calling the shots for the Cubs since John McDonough’s defection to the Blackhawks. “But I’d like to remind the Ricketts family that we’ve been profitable beyond belief under my watch. And if they need someone to use completely disfunctional logic to explain to season ticket holders why we’re jacking up prices 30 percent, I’m their man.”

The Ricketts family — billionaire founders of Ameritrade — have no previous baseball experience, much like the team’s previous two owners. For Cubs fans, this similarity doesn’t matter.

“Just like the Tribune and Wrigley family, the Ricketts have no baseball experience,” said fan John Robertson. “But this time it’s going to be different. I can just tell.”

heckler editorial staff