Stuck in a quandary, Bears GM Jerry Angelo has begun listening to trade offers for disgruntled linebacker Lance Briggs, who is asking for a lucrative long-term contract. He could have his wishes granted by Washington Redskins owner Daniel Snyder, who has been known to light cigars with Google stock certificates.

Angelo took the call from Snyder, who is reportedly offering to swap first round picks, giving the Bears the sixth overall pick in the draft in exchange for Briggs.

“I told Mr. Snyder we would think about it and we need a few days to consider our options,” Angelo said. “Before hanging up, he asked if I had Mayor Daley’s number handy.”

Minutes later, Mayor Daley’s secretary Cynthia Davis received a call from Snyder.

“He was very demanding. After I told him the Mayor was not available, he asked me how much I was making and said whatever it was, he’d double it,” Davis said. “I put him through right away.”

Snyder told Mayor Daley he would pay any price for the City of Chicago but wanted to disclude the White Sox because their “cheap and trashy” reputation would devalue his purchase.

heckler editorial staff