While Bears and Colts fans are busily anticipating seeing their respective teams in Super Bowl XLI, a local sports reporter has other reasons to be excited – he’s planning to cheat on his wife of six years. The unnamed writer has been seen bragging to coworkers about the “considerable tail” he’ll be getting in Miami.

“South Beach is loaded with hot, drunken women,” the reporter said. “Plus, I’ve been scouting the local talent down there via the Internet and saw a few enticing ads on craigslist.com.”

The unidentified writer also plans on taking a girl to the big game.

“Chicks dig guys with Super Bowl tickets,” he said. “Hopefully none of the other reporters’ wives will be there like that one episode of ‘Everybody Loves Raymond.'”

heckler editorial staff