Chicago baseball fans will set aside their differences over the next two weeks and root for the Bears together, according to a recently inked treaty at City Hall Sunday night.


“From Wrigleyville to Tinley Park, the people of this great city must band together and support our Bears, a team we can all agree on,” said Mayor Richard M. Daley, moments after signing the historic “Super Bowl Alliance,” a complicated 63-page document that legally prohibits intra-city baseball disputes until Feb. 5, the day after Super Bowl XLI.


Fans of both of Chicago’s baseball teams quickly fell in line with the new accord.


“For the next two weeks, I promise not to make a single mullet joke,” said Lakeview resident and die-hard Cubs fan John Hemlinger. “This is about winning the Super Bowl, not embarrassing a Sox fan because I make triple his salary.”


Added Hemlinger: “Plus, those guys really know how to riot. I can’t wait!”


Lifelong White Sox fan Larry Coleman plans to make changes too, primarily by easing up on the anti-Cubs sentiments.


“So what if most Cubs fans can’t name more than three players on their team?” asked Coleman. “Those uptight yuppies are okay in my book–at least until after the big game. I can beat them up later.”

heckler editorial staff