After his team’s nationally televised, come-from-ahead 86-83 loss to the New Jersey Nets, Bulls coach Scott Skiles stepped to the press room podium with an ear-to-ear grin plastered on his mug.
“Our master plan is being executed to perfection,” he said with obvious glee. “You so-called experts have been asking me stuff like, ‘Scott, why does your team keep blowing those double-digit leads?’ See, what you people don’t understand is that this is all part of our mission. We have goals that transcend victories, and division titles, and playoff advancement.”
He went on in this vein for a long while, and his delivery was so convincing and passionate that it took the press corps almost five minutes to realize Skiles was naked, save for a strategically placed tube sock and a piece of what appeared to be strawberry shortcake in his belly button.
Several minutes later, three gentlemen clad in white jumpsuits snuck up behind Skiles, threw him to the ground, twisted him into a strait jacket, and carted him away. His whereabouts remain unknown.
This all begs the question, what did the Bulls do that finally put Skiles over the edge? Sure, the team frittered away an 18-point lead to the Nets, but during their recent five-losses-in-six-games streak, they’ve frittered away approximately 241 double-digit leads. One would think he’d be used to this sort of futility by now.
Ben Gordon, who had 23 points off the bench-just behind Andres Nocioni’s team-leading 28-knew exactly what to blame for Skiles’ nervous breakdown.
“Lead poisoning. Because it couldn’t have been nothing we did. We’re playing great.”