Although the Blackhawks only lost 2-1 to the Buffalo Sabres last night, the Sabres completely owned them the entire game. Head coach Denis Savard was fuming.

“This is ridiculous,” Savard said after the game, spitting on the floor in disgust. “I’ve never seen such a poor effort from pro hockey players. Well that’s it. Drastic times call for drastic measures.”

The drastic measure Savard was referring to was signing every player on the team up for the Chicago Park District’s beginner “Learn to Skate” lessons. Savard waited in long lines this morning with other parents.

One parent looked at Savard and said, “Signing you’re kids up for Learn to Skate huh? That’s great. I’m just hoping that my kids can learn the basics, get some balance, have some fun, and stop falling so much!”

“Believe me,” Savard said. “That’s what I’m hoping for too.”

heckler editorial staff