We at The Heckler have one mission: To bring Sports Illustrated to its knees.
Okay, we actually have two missions: Take down SI, and give our loyal readers a couple sports-related laughs every day. But it’s difficult to attempt humor after what happened at the United Center last night, when Phoenix guard Leandro Barbosa nailed a three-pointer with 1.5 seconds left in the fourth, giving the Suns a 97-96 victory.
Sure, we could sit here and make jokes about Steve Nash’s patently ugly mug (e.g., How is it that this goofy-looking dude got to hook up with Elizabeth Hurley, but we didn’t?), or diss Tyrus Thomas’s typically heinous stat line (e.g., Oh, boy – another quintuple-single for T-Squared!), or give Mike Sweetney and his bulging waistline some new nicknames (e.g., Bull Butt, The Round Mound of No Rebounds, Ball Hog, Santa Sweets, Fatty McFattington, etc.)
But that would be too easy.
So The Heckler has decided to speak to you from our hearts, to remind you that every game won’t be like this. Some nights, your team will come back from a second half double-digit lead. Some nights, one of your guys will hit the buzzer-beater. Some nights, the other squad will soak the hardwood with many, many salty tears.
But on the other hand, some nights Michael Sweetney will sneak into your house and eat all your Oreos.