After batting just .243 this season and regularly drawing the ire of fans while a member of the Cubs, one would think shortstop Neifi Perez—now with the World Series-losing Detroit Tigers—would be accustomed to being a scapegoat. Not so, says Perez, who is already receiving the blame for his team’s collapse in the Series.

“The guy went 0-for-4 with a strikeout,” said Tigers fans Roger Wilson, an unemployed autoworker. “How does he expect to win a World Series by batting .000?”

Perez blamed his poor showing on the pressure he faced trying to impress his former manager, Dusty Baker, who was at the games as an analyst for ESPN. Should Baker get another managing job in 2007, Perez hopes to once again hitch on with that new team.

But Baker isn’t too sure he’ll bring Perez with him this time.

“Dude, I ain’t making Neifi any promises,” said Baker, pausing from reading the classifieds while getting his nose powdered before airing another “Baseball Tonight” segment. “Last time I sided with Neifi we both got run out of town. That’s no way to live.”

heckler editorial staff