Ending a season-long controversy, Cubs manager Dusty Baker has been offered a new three-year contract, not with his baseball team but with Motorola, who will retain Baker’s services as their pitchman.

“Man, it’s been a long year of speculation, but I’m happy to finally put this behind me,” Baker said at a press conference. “It’s now time for me to concentrate on the matters at hand—winning—and increasing awareness of the Motorola brand.”

Recent Motorola billboards, featuring a hip-looking, sunglass-clad Baker have popped up around Wrigleyville, fueling rumors that a new contract would be inked. The deal is rumored to pay Baker $1.5 million over three years. Baker’s contract status remains up in the air with several other lucrative deals, including his marketing pact with General Motors and contract as manager of the Chicago Cubs. The manager said he’s not trying to let the uncertainty affect his performance.

“I always give my all—100 percent,” said Baker. “That goes for reading a new radio script about the sleek new Chevy SSR or thinking real hard about going to the ‘pen in the second inning after another rookie starter surrenders five runs.”

heckler editorial staff