When Ted Holdman found out the cabin he and three others would be staying in had a DVD player, he thought it would be the perfect chance for his friends to watch a critically acclaimed movie. Unfortunately, as Holdman admitted later, watching “Deliverance” the night before a big canoeing trip was not a very good idea.

“I’ve always heard how kickass that movie is, so I decided this way we could finally see it,” said Holdman, 33. “I guess in retrospect I probably should have just brought ‘Anchorman,’ or maybe a porn.”

Holdman and friends Kenny Simmons, Hector Fuentes and Phil Garvey drove out to the cabin they had rented near Rockford after work on a recent Friday evening, planning to get an early start the next morning on a canoe trip down the Kishwaukee River.

“We all agreed a movie and case of beer was the best way to spend that Friday night,” said Garvey. “But that movie, I mean man, it messed us up.”

After a mostly sleepless night spent alternating between peering out the window, standing guard at the back door and waking up in cold sweats, the four decided to forgo the canoeing trip and return home.

“I guess we probably would have been all right, but hey, you never know,” said Fuentes. “Put it this way: I sure as hell won’t take the chance it’s me who ends up squealing like a pig.”

heckler editorial staff