Jerry Angelo wasn’t planning on picking up a new quarterback this off-season. One just happened to fall in his lap.

“I was trying to stay as far away from the deal table as possible, so I took a stroll to the local junkyard,” said the Chicago Bears GM. “Next thing I know this guys falls off a pile of diapers and rusty kitchen appliances—and lands right in my arms! Turns out he used to play for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.”

According to Bears sources, Angelo had hoped to go into the 2006 season with just two quarterbacks on the depth chart, but that changed following the scrap heap incident.

“I worried that bringing in a veteran quarterback might make Rex [Grossman] feel insecure about his job,” said Angelo. “But then I saw the scar on [Brian] Griese’s leg and I remembered he was coming off surgery to repair his MCL and ACL. Who would dream of replacing an injury-prone QB with an injured QB?”

Not Rex Grossman, that’s for sure.

“I want to be the first Chicago Bear to officially welcome Brian Griese,” he said. “Man, I’m glad that sentence didn’t end with Brees.”

heckler editorial staff