Andres Nocioni and his 16 points per game were nowhere to be found.  Nor were Ben Wallace and his 10.1 boards. And yet on Saturday night, the Bulls lambasted the Memphis Grizzlies 111-66.

How’d they do that?

“I think we found the formula,” coach Scott Skiles said. “Don’t let our best players anywhere near the UnitedCenter on game nights and boom, blowout W’s.”

With a starting lineup featuring creaky P.J. Brown and Tyrus “I Should So Be On Ritalin” Thomas. It was Thomas’ first career start, and the rookie exceeded expectations, fouling out in 20 minutes after pouring in four points. Chicago still outscored the NBA’s worst team 37-21 in the first quarter, and cruised for the final three. Ben Gordon led five Bulls in double figures with 24.

Nocioni wasn’t in the building because he had been suspended by the league for elbowing the New Jersey Nets exceedingly ugly center Mikki Moore Thursday night. Wallace sat out the game due to some shady health issues. The team said it was his back, but immediately after the game, sources sighted the Bulls center at the Lion’s Head Pub on Lincoln, slamming down $2 MGD’s and doing the watusi on the bar while wearing a full New Orleans Saints uniform, pads and all.

Obviously pleased by the new lineup’s performance, Skiles says you can look for more changes today against the ever-tough San Antonio Spurs.

“We’re gonna start Gordon out there by himself, one-on-five.  It’s not like the little weasel ever passes the damn ball, anyhow.”

heckler editorial staff