Cubs owner Tom Ricketts recently disclosed the team’s renovations of Wrigley Field — originally budgeted at $575 million — ran over projections by “probably around 100 percent.” After a deep review of the project’s finances, officials have concluded the entire overage can be attributed to one worker in the city’s Department of Streets and Sanitation.

“In a city known for graft and corruption, we knew we’d run over by a few million, but then the numbers came in and we learned we were over by $500 million and my jaw dropped,” said Ricketts. “We were astounded to learn that entire amount wound up in the pocket of just one supervisor in Streets and Sanitation.”

Ricketts added that little was known about the worker, who goes by the name “Joey Nickels.” Apparently Mr. Nickels is well-connected politically after a 35-year career in city government. Mr. Nickels set up an LLC through which all Wrigley renovation payments had to flow. Mr. Nickels then pocketed approximately 50 percent of all that money.

“Worst of all, in Chicago it’s somehow apparently all legal,” said Ricketts. “We were hoping to negoiate with Mr. Nickels, but all we have to offer is Craig Kimbrel and Jason Heyward’s bloated contracts.”

“Of course I passed on that offer,” said Nickels from his 100-foot yacht in the Caribbean. “I’m a thief but I’m not stupid.”