Less than an hour after the Cubs’ stunning NLDS comeback win in San Francisco, Chicago mayor Rahm Emanuel was at work fixing the city’s massive budget woes.
“Everyone made a big deal about the playoff tickets I was able to buy at face value,” said Emanuel. “Little did all those idiots know it was all part of my plan to fix this city’s broken financial situation.”
Emanuel said he began selling his remaining playoff tickets at market value, which is approximately 15,000 percent of what he paid. His total profits should be “more than enough” to balance the city’s budget.