With construction on Wrigley Field resulting in excessively long lines for the few bathrooms remaining open in the stadium, the Cubs have announced a variety of plans to help address the bathroom logjam, including adding dozens of Porta Potties and allowing certain fans to “just pee on the field” if they “really think they can’t hold it any longer.”
“We were unprepared for Sunday’s game,” Cubs owner Tom Ricketts told reporters. “And that’s on us. We don’t plan to be caught by surprise again. That’s why, until construction is over, we have added portable toilets to the premises, and for the first time have made it acceptable for fans to urinate on the field, so long as it’s really an emergency.”
Rickets added that fans should “resist the urge” to pee on the field anytime they see a Cardinals fan, unless they were really desperately crossing their legs first and clearly couldn’t wait in line for a moment longer. Or, if they saw A.J. Pierzynski nearby.