Despite every indication to the contrary, including the calendar on his iPhone and the fact he has gone bald and put on 48 pounds, Chicago Bears fan and Lake Forest native Bill Wollenski simply refuses to admit three decades have passed since the magical 1985 NFL season.

“Daaaaaa Bears!” Wollenski replied when asked about the team’s new GM, Ryan Pace. “This guy should hire Da Coach. With Ditka at the helm and [Mike] Singletary leading the defense, this team could bulldoze the league next year and win another Super Bowl.”

Informed that Singletary had failed as a head coach and might not make the best defensive coordinator, Wollenski shook his head.

“What are you talking about? I want him playing middle linebacker!” Wollenski clarified. “We get the punky QB back and we’ll be doing the Super Bowl Shuffle all over again. They should bring back that SNL skit too.”

“Sassage!” Wollenski added before donning his navy Bears sweater-vest. “Packers suck!”