They worked long through the night. Democrats and Republicans going toe to toe in an unflinching manner. Finally, when it looked like all was lost, both sides agreed on a deal that would allow Congress to pay the remainder of Chicago Bears Jay Cutler’s salary.

To achieve this historic compromise, several landmark goals had to be met. First, the federal debt had to be raised yet again. Secondly, excessive spending by the Bears front office on signing defensive players had to be completely curtailed. Finally, funding for frivolous pork-barrel items such as immigration reform, agriculture and social security had to be immediately halted. Most challenging of all, and even Bears wide receiver Brandon Marshall had to be kept off of all social media for the 48 hours prior to getting a deal done.

Of note was the regional controversy that followed approval of the landmark Cutler legislation. Whereas politicians in Minnesota, Michigan and most notably Wisconsin unanimously voted in favor of honoring Jay Cutler’s profligate contract extension, not every elected official in the great state of Illinois was as supportive. In fact, Chicago mayor Rahm Emanuel told an audience of dozens of people on his 7:00 AM Blue Line car that Congress had much greater priorities that needed to be addressed, namely fixing the scoreboard clock at Soldier Field and getting the Wrigleyville Historical Society to declare Butch McGuire’s a National Monument.

Most noticeable was President Obama’s absence from the controversy. This was presumably because a distracted Commander-in-Chief was still overjoyed that his White Sox had signed starting pitcher Jeff Samardzija as well as agreed to start selling three-pound sundaes at all home games, something that Michelle Obama said the POTUS was entitled to as long as he spent at least one hour outside playing before Opening Day.