NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell has issued a press release to explain the appalling actions of many of the league’s players, as well as the head-scratchingly lenient fines and suspensions levied by the NFL in their wake. In the statement, Goodell claims that this is all an elaborate PR stunt to promote the upcoming FX Series “The Longest Yard” which will debut following the 2015 Super Bowl.

“There have been so many successful TV spinoffs from Fargo and Stargate SG-1 to MASH, one of the most successful shows of all time, that we felt it was time to make a recurring series from the beloved The Longest Yard films,” said Goodell. “However, test groups we showed the pilot episode to found it implausible that a single prison could house enough talent to field a league of felonious skilled football players, so we decided to go on a premeditated fake crime spree to erase any doubts that any number of American prisons could field a team of NFL veterans that would beat the pants off, and pardon the inappropriate pun, any CFL or collegiate team.

“We’d like to apologize to Ray Rice, Adrian Peterson and all the players whose reputations have been tarnished due to this exercise in method acting.”

Mark Pants