Let the intimidation and coercion begin. After being suspended for the better part of a year for his leading role in a scandal that all but ruined the Miami Dolphins 2013 season, Richie Incognito has been cleared to resume full contact bullying. The green light has been given to him, and that means Incognito can get back to doing what he does best, and that’s harassing people relentlessly.
With the ban being overturned, everything is on the table. Wet Willies, atomic wedgies and super hot Indian burns can all be given by the man who has been unceremoniously removed from every team he has played for dating back to college. An emotional Incognito was overjoyed when told that he was now cleared to use both racial and homophobic slurs to attack teammates. As if that wasn’t enough, Incognito can also resume harassing women, something he hasn’t had the privilege of doing since he inappropriately rubbed a golf club against a black woman at a Miami Dolphins charity golf outing in 2012 all while grinding on her and saying “make it rain.” Moving forward, however, a wiser Incognito promised that future bullying and sexual harassment would be open to all women, regardless of race, creed or color.
With the NFL regular season all but here, the tormenting oppressor has promised to buckle down and focus, guaranteeing coaches that he will find the one person on his new team that doesn’t like to be bullied, and make sure he harasses that guy with texts, voicemails as well as his patented deadarm donut flat tire cupcheck package punch. If that doesn’t get the job done, then there’s always half-nelsons, noogies and the new Tarzan propeller jock-lock wedgie, a move so complicated and intricate that Incognito was actually afraid to try it…until now.